My Christmas letter

If I was a library director, every December 1 I would give every staff member a letter accompanied with a small chocolate truffle with my docs and don'ts for the holidays. This is a fantasy incidentally.


To our dear staff:

Just a few reminders for the holidays:

Holiday parties are wonderful and we all enjoy them but the planning and execution of such events should only be done during our lunches and coffee breaks.

We can put one or two momentoes of the holiday season on our desks and workstations but more than that is excessive.

Administrative assistants do not look cute in Santa hats.

If you make candies and cakes for the season remember they are for everyone on the staff, not just the people you like.

Taxpayers should not be charged for electricity for Christmas displays they cannot enjoy. Electric lights around one's cubicle are fire hazards and are not appropriate.

You may celebrate the holidays in song, if need be. But songs and caroling should be done during one's breaks only and not during working time. And the lyrics should be of a non-sectarian nature.

Santa Clauses look ugly when sported on a woman's blouse.

Fir sprays can be disagreeable to some people. They should not be used in the library.

Your schedule of holidays indicates when you may leave the building. Just because it is December 23 you do not have the right to cheat the taxpayers out of an afternoon's work.

Older people do not generally like to travel on holidays by themselves. They like their loved ones to be carted to them. Hence we will not believe you when you leave early to pick up your grandmother at the airport.

That being said, have a happy and healthful holiday season.